Taniith’s Relto

I used to like math. I really did! I would look forward to going to class (as much as one can look forward to a class). Now, though, I don’t.

Time was when I could sit in a math class and just get it. Or, if I didn’t get it, no one else did either. I always knew the answer while other people were struggling to figure it out. Then something changed. I can’t get into math anymore, and I can’t seem to make the mental leaps that end in finding the solution really quickly. And it doesn’t help that every math class I’ve taken here has seemed to involve the teacher teaching one thing and then assigning something else entirely for homework; either that, or something that is such an insane leap from the stuff taught in class that it might as well be. I can tell you this, I don’t plan to take two math courses in one term again anytime soon.

I took two math courses (it was 3, just in case the IQP fell through, but it didn’t thankfully), figuring that I was good enough at math to be able to handle it with ease. I just told myself that the horror that was Calculus 3 and 4 were just due to the horrible teacher I had; I mean, I got an A and all, but it was no fun. I guess I was wrong though. Somewhere along the way, I finally got it through my head that I’m and artist and something changed. I still enjoy the simple applied math in programming (though it can get much more complex), but straight math courses are no fun. Am I somehow incapable of being at one an artist an a math person? That kinda sucks.

Maybe it just has something to do with the types of math I’m doing now. Statistics, which I always thought I hated, seemed good at the beginning. I thought I got everything, but then I jsut did some homework and found myself putting down bullshit for most stuff. Granted, I tried to think it through, but in the end there is a high chance that it is quite a ways from the correct answers. And then with Discrete Math, I keep sort of getting everything, but its all very loose and informal. In my mind, a proof should be formal and go step by step, yet in class he just does a bunch of quick scrawls on the board and gets to the end. You can’t look at it step by step and understand it without untangling what he did and why first.

I guess I made my choice when I took that year off. It still too bad I can’t enjoy math anymore though. I hope this term doesn’t fuck up my GPA…. not that the GPA at WPI is actually relevant to what you’ve done (they even say that there is no GPA and it is calculated in a fake way if you ask for it).

*sigh* I have a headache.

-k